Hey all! The blog address has moved. I have a super duper cool, tech savvy husband to bought a domain for me and got a website set up for me. The new address is www.seeingglory.com You can follow there as well.
See you there!
Two Videos worth a Watch
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I like hard preaching. Maybe it's all I've grown accustom to in the last 10 years, but I've grown to like getting my pride pulled out, my butt kicked and walking to the car with my tail between my legs and realizing by the time we're half way home, that yes I'm a sinner, but Jesus loves me. I'm forgiven and His people were made to glorify Him. He loves me in spite of my sin, but He will continue to refine me.
Our preaching pastor does this at least once a week, and the other place I get a good butt kicking is from listening to Matt Chandler sermons of the The Village Church in Dallas. He's funny. He's real. He preaches Jesus.
Last week he had surgery on his brain to remove a tumor. The video was taped a couple of days before the surgery and it's humbling to say the least. It's amazing to see God's glory in his circumstance. It's a place where maybe I'll be one day.....completely willing to allow God to do anything to me or my family, so that His glory will be known.
The other video is simply, because I like it. Each time I listen to it, I get tears in my eyes. We're all that rose that's falling apart and wilted and Jesus wants us. He loves us that much.
Our preaching pastor does this at least once a week, and the other place I get a good butt kicking is from listening to Matt Chandler sermons of the The Village Church in Dallas. He's funny. He's real. He preaches Jesus.
Last week he had surgery on his brain to remove a tumor. The video was taped a couple of days before the surgery and it's humbling to say the least. It's amazing to see God's glory in his circumstance. It's a place where maybe I'll be one day.....completely willing to allow God to do anything to me or my family, so that His glory will be known.
The other video is simply, because I like it. Each time I listen to it, I get tears in my eyes. We're all that rose that's falling apart and wilted and Jesus wants us. He loves us that much.
A Delicate Art
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"I am convinced that learning the delicate art of grieving comes mostly through being minstered to by mature people during our own times of grief and through years of practice." ~Carson Kistner
When I was a sophmore in college my roommate's (and very dear friend), mother killed herself. It was horrible, which is a complete understatement. Tragic. Awful. Terrible. I remember almost every detail of her telling me what happened, driving her home with another friend, being at her house, going to the service and her coming back to school and the months until the year was over. It was a HARD semester. I couldn't wait to get home. Selfishly. My dear friend had gone through the worst thing ever! Myself and another friend had walked beside her knowing her pain, but not totally grasping it all. It was a tough thing to wrap our head around, and honestly there are days I'm still not totally sure that I get it.
I had never really had to "deal" with death until my roommate's mom died. Before it had been the elderly at church, and I remember a couple of children who had been ill for a long time passing away. But this time, it was real, it was close, and it was very personal to one of my best friends in college. I saw her pain and I cried with her and started to ask, "Why would a person do that? Why?"
I had never dealt with anyone who had grieved before and I don't think I handled it all that well. I know that there were many times that I was selfish and unwise in my responses to her. I was not mature.
Now that time has passed I can see more of what she may have been feeling, and I feel badly that maybe I could've helped her more. We still stay in touch and talk to one another and hopefully we've both matured over time.
The quote at the top of the page struck me the first time I read it. I reread it a couple of times to let it sink in. It's full of wisdom and I think it's also something that we rarely think about. What I mean is, do we ever think about a ministry to the grieving? I had never thought about that until I read this. Is this something that Jesus did? Yes, look at the death of Lazarus. He ministered greatly to Mary and Martha during that short time. He was even comforting His mother from the cross. Making sure she was taken care of by John. And I'm sure that there were many other times not mentioned. If Jesus did it, then we should as well.
When I first think of grieving, I think of death. Usually the death of a person. However, I also think that grieving can be the loss of a job, expectations that we had that won't be met, an opportunity that was missed, or won't be had and relationships that have fallen apart. It wasn't until Tullie was about 3 months old, I realized I had been grieving. I hadn't been grieving Tullie, but I had been grieving her diagnosis. I had been grieving the expectations that I had for my daughter. The typical daughter that we had expected. The daughter that wasn't going to have any issues and she was going to grow up and be like all the other kids. I didn't think that it was ok to grieve that, but I had to. Down Syndrome is something that we did not expect. It blew the wind out of our sails and we were floored, to say the least. BUT, it's what we got. We grieved our expectations. I'm not saying that there are no more days of struggle, because there are, it's just different then when we got the news four years ago. Time has passed. Our hearts have healed. Tullie is a blessing and a joy in our lives. Jesus knew how He would change us.
When I think of mature, I think of old white haired ladies that have lived a long life, love Jesus and are ready to share their experiences then go to heaven. I don't think of young folk. But I've learned that sometimes the youngest folks can be more mature then the older folks. I've noticed that some of my friends who have ministered to me the most have been younger then me. It's because they've become mature through their experiences. They've grieved and they've learned. They're ready to share and they do. I'm not saying that I don't know older and wiser woman who have had a great impact during my times of grief, because I do. I know many and I've been ministered to by many.
I think that one of the things to remember is that grief is not bad. A period for grieving anything is not bad. In our society we don't know how to grieve. We don't know how to really face our pain and deal with it. Whatever it may be. When we let ourselves grieve and allow those who have grieved before us to help, the weight seems a little lighter.
The portion of that quote that I don't like is, "....through years of practice." I have no desire to have years of practice of grieving, but I don't think I would be saved from that. Each time we grieve and heal, we have more to share with others who are grieving. We have more to give. I would prefer to have a griefless life, but that has not been the case. Instead, for those of us who have grieved, we must learn and we must help those who are in the thick of it. Simply because Jesus did. He wasn't selfish and kept all of his pain and sorrow to Himself while He was here on earth. He had words of comfort for the grieving and He asked His disciples to pray for Him when He was grieving and hurting before He went to the cross for us.
We will grieve in this life and hopefully we will suffer well with Jesus' help and the help of His children who have grieved before us.
"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, who by God’s power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory, obtaining the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls." I Peter 1:3-9
When I was a sophmore in college my roommate's (and very dear friend), mother killed herself. It was horrible, which is a complete understatement. Tragic. Awful. Terrible. I remember almost every detail of her telling me what happened, driving her home with another friend, being at her house, going to the service and her coming back to school and the months until the year was over. It was a HARD semester. I couldn't wait to get home. Selfishly. My dear friend had gone through the worst thing ever! Myself and another friend had walked beside her knowing her pain, but not totally grasping it all. It was a tough thing to wrap our head around, and honestly there are days I'm still not totally sure that I get it.
I had never really had to "deal" with death until my roommate's mom died. Before it had been the elderly at church, and I remember a couple of children who had been ill for a long time passing away. But this time, it was real, it was close, and it was very personal to one of my best friends in college. I saw her pain and I cried with her and started to ask, "Why would a person do that? Why?"
I had never dealt with anyone who had grieved before and I don't think I handled it all that well. I know that there were many times that I was selfish and unwise in my responses to her. I was not mature.
Now that time has passed I can see more of what she may have been feeling, and I feel badly that maybe I could've helped her more. We still stay in touch and talk to one another and hopefully we've both matured over time.
The quote at the top of the page struck me the first time I read it. I reread it a couple of times to let it sink in. It's full of wisdom and I think it's also something that we rarely think about. What I mean is, do we ever think about a ministry to the grieving? I had never thought about that until I read this. Is this something that Jesus did? Yes, look at the death of Lazarus. He ministered greatly to Mary and Martha during that short time. He was even comforting His mother from the cross. Making sure she was taken care of by John. And I'm sure that there were many other times not mentioned. If Jesus did it, then we should as well.
When I first think of grieving, I think of death. Usually the death of a person. However, I also think that grieving can be the loss of a job, expectations that we had that won't be met, an opportunity that was missed, or won't be had and relationships that have fallen apart. It wasn't until Tullie was about 3 months old, I realized I had been grieving. I hadn't been grieving Tullie, but I had been grieving her diagnosis. I had been grieving the expectations that I had for my daughter. The typical daughter that we had expected. The daughter that wasn't going to have any issues and she was going to grow up and be like all the other kids. I didn't think that it was ok to grieve that, but I had to. Down Syndrome is something that we did not expect. It blew the wind out of our sails and we were floored, to say the least. BUT, it's what we got. We grieved our expectations. I'm not saying that there are no more days of struggle, because there are, it's just different then when we got the news four years ago. Time has passed. Our hearts have healed. Tullie is a blessing and a joy in our lives. Jesus knew how He would change us.
When I think of mature, I think of old white haired ladies that have lived a long life, love Jesus and are ready to share their experiences then go to heaven. I don't think of young folk. But I've learned that sometimes the youngest folks can be more mature then the older folks. I've noticed that some of my friends who have ministered to me the most have been younger then me. It's because they've become mature through their experiences. They've grieved and they've learned. They're ready to share and they do. I'm not saying that I don't know older and wiser woman who have had a great impact during my times of grief, because I do. I know many and I've been ministered to by many.
I think that one of the things to remember is that grief is not bad. A period for grieving anything is not bad. In our society we don't know how to grieve. We don't know how to really face our pain and deal with it. Whatever it may be. When we let ourselves grieve and allow those who have grieved before us to help, the weight seems a little lighter.
The portion of that quote that I don't like is, "....through years of practice." I have no desire to have years of practice of grieving, but I don't think I would be saved from that. Each time we grieve and heal, we have more to share with others who are grieving. We have more to give. I would prefer to have a griefless life, but that has not been the case. Instead, for those of us who have grieved, we must learn and we must help those who are in the thick of it. Simply because Jesus did. He wasn't selfish and kept all of his pain and sorrow to Himself while He was here on earth. He had words of comfort for the grieving and He asked His disciples to pray for Him when He was grieving and hurting before He went to the cross for us.
We will grieve in this life and hopefully we will suffer well with Jesus' help and the help of His children who have grieved before us.
"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, who by God’s power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory, obtaining the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls." I Peter 1:3-9
More Grace, Not Enough Grace.....What????
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Lessons Learned
I think that there are many times where I have compared. Well, really in all honesty, A LOT of times. More times then I could ever count. An insane amount of times. I compare my kids with other kids. I compare other kids skills to my kids skills. I compare someone's cooking and housekeeping abilities to mine. Most of the time I'm convicted of my lack of excellent housekeeping skills in comparison to others. We compare the behavior of our children to other children. We compare how many kids we have or don't have. We compare houses, cars, and anything else that we have. Why do we do this? To make ourselves feel better about what we have or don't have? Maybe. But that's not really my point.
We compare grace. We compare the grace that our Lord has given us. We compare the measure of grace that we've been given. Either it's much grace, or not as much as the next person. In that, I think that we also compare pain. Our deep pain. Our hard pain and thinking that others haven't gone through near as much pain as us or that others have been through more then we could ever bear.
I was talking to someone a few months ago and she's older then I am and has known me my whole life. She said something that struck me. She said, "Jesus has shown you more grace then he has ever shown me." I thought about that, and for a moment and I got a bit proud. "I've been shown more grace then someone older and wiser then me!" Then I thought, "No. No! NO!" I haven't been shown more grace and she hasn't been shown less grace, we've all been given the grace that we need to make it. It's not a competition. It's life. It's what Jesus sees deemed for us to pass through in our life. His grace is sufficient for it all.
We compare grace. We compare the grace that our Lord has given us. We compare the measure of grace that we've been given. Either it's much grace, or not as much as the next person. In that, I think that we also compare pain. Our deep pain. Our hard pain and thinking that others haven't gone through near as much pain as us or that others have been through more then we could ever bear.
I was talking to someone a few months ago and she's older then I am and has known me my whole life. She said something that struck me. She said, "Jesus has shown you more grace then he has ever shown me." I thought about that, and for a moment and I got a bit proud. "I've been shown more grace then someone older and wiser then me!" Then I thought, "No. No! NO!" I haven't been shown more grace and she hasn't been shown less grace, we've all been given the grace that we need to make it. It's not a competition. It's life. It's what Jesus sees deemed for us to pass through in our life. His grace is sufficient for it all.
"Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
2 Corinthians12:8-10 ESV
Because I love Jesus, doesn't make me spared from pain. I can't compare my pain to others and we can't compare the grace that we receive in the midst of our pain. Simply because we get the grace that we need. It's not comparable. It's all the same. It's all Jesus. Jesus died for us. Grace. Jesus saved us. Grace. Jesus is coming for us. Grace. Jesus will be our all in our time of need. Grace.
I was talking to another friend several months back and I was telling her that I lay awake at night and think about Ellison as a teenager, get completely overwhelmed and work myself into a panic that I won't be a good mom and she'll be sneaking out of the house and and and....well the list goes on and on. She said, "God has not given you the grace for a 16 year old girl. He's only given you the grace for a 2 year old with high energy, full of love and a little crazy." I could live with that. I'm ok with that. I have the grace for a 2 year old not a 16 year old and I can deal with that.
I cannot say that I feel like Jesus is enough. I struggle with that. I know that He is. I know that He is sovereign and has a perfect will, but I struggle with my flesh. What I want. What I need. I NEED my husband, my kids, my house. But if it's all stripped away from me, I want to be able to say that Jesus is enough and He has been gracious to me. He saved me, He loves me, and therefore, He is enough. His grace is enough and His glory will be evident.
Mourning and Celebration
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Lessons Learned
Funerals and Memoral Services are a funny thing. Not funny, haha, but funny, weird. I remember thinking that the day we did Eli's service. We walked into the church and everyone was quiet and looking at us to see what we were going to do. How we were going to act. I didn't even look behind me to see who was attending. I just looked forward because it felt too surreal. I'm 29 and I'm saying good-bye to my son. I'm not old enough for this and now I feel way too grown up. This is so, not what I had planned for my life. For 30-45 minutes, we cried, we sang, we listened to Scripture, we read and we mourned. Then the mourning was over. We went to celebrate. Celebrate Eli's short life with food and fellowship. Put on the happy face. Weird. I was still mourning, was anyone else? Just weird.
It happened again today. I went to a service for a friend. Their sweet babe is in heaven with Jesus. It was sweet. It was beautiful. It was honest and it was real. I'm proud of them. I'm proud of their tears. That they were strong enough to share and be honest in their pain. My heart hurts though, because the road of mourning isn't over. It lasts forever, the pain just lessens as time goes by.
I think that the celebration part is because we have been given Peace. Jesus' peace. We know beyond a shadow of a doubt that our little ones are in heaven with Jesus. Eli and his new friends are dancing at Jesus' feet. They are celebrating the glory and love of Jesus. Jesus is celebrating them. He made them. He created them. He's loving them.
My heart hurts because I want my kid with me and my friend's children with them, but our Lord is sovereign. He brings us through hard things. He carries us when our feet and legs are too tired to walk. He keeps our tears in a bottle. He gives us the strength and grace that we need. In between we see glimpses of His glory. Albeit faint, but they are glimpses.
I cannot wait until He wipes away all of my tears and I can hold my son and meet his friends. Meanwhile, I know he's safe and I will celebrate Jesus and look for His glory.
It happened again today. I went to a service for a friend. Their sweet babe is in heaven with Jesus. It was sweet. It was beautiful. It was honest and it was real. I'm proud of them. I'm proud of their tears. That they were strong enough to share and be honest in their pain. My heart hurts though, because the road of mourning isn't over. It lasts forever, the pain just lessens as time goes by.
I think that the celebration part is because we have been given Peace. Jesus' peace. We know beyond a shadow of a doubt that our little ones are in heaven with Jesus. Eli and his new friends are dancing at Jesus' feet. They are celebrating the glory and love of Jesus. Jesus is celebrating them. He made them. He created them. He's loving them.
My heart hurts because I want my kid with me and my friend's children with them, but our Lord is sovereign. He brings us through hard things. He carries us when our feet and legs are too tired to walk. He keeps our tears in a bottle. He gives us the strength and grace that we need. In between we see glimpses of His glory. Albeit faint, but they are glimpses.
I cannot wait until He wipes away all of my tears and I can hold my son and meet his friends. Meanwhile, I know he's safe and I will celebrate Jesus and look for His glory.
The Ultimate Thing for which we are Thankful
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Labels:
Lessons Learned
I love Thanksgiving. It's always been one of my favorite holidays. When I was in high school through college, we would spend Thanksgiving with a family from church every year. We'd go around the table and say what we're thankful for. Usually something like family, good health, a new car and God's provision. A few years ago, when Thanksgiving rolled around I remember thinking that I didn't have a thing to be thankful for. Tullie had just turned two that year, Eli had passed away in April, and we were pregnant with number four and it hadn't been easy. We were having a low key Thanksgiving, (which has become a special day of PJ's and ribs ever since) and I had been thinking about what I would be thankful for. My husband, yes. My children, yes. My last year, NO! I kept thinking about things I could feel, touch and different material things. I was feeling like I was not blessed, but cursed instead. So, what was there to be thankful for?
About 12 months later, a friend and I were talking and and she said, "Someone told me something the other day, that I keep thinking about. They said, 'I've been living my life filled with hardships, punctuated by blessings. I need to live my life filled with blessing, punctuated by hardships.'" I had to process that for awhile. I HAD been thinking that my life was FULL of hardship and no blessings. Everything seemed to be working against us. Nothing seemed to be working for us.
Then I started thinking about it. "Living a life full of blessing..." What did that mean? Hardship had been all we had seen for the last three years. One thing after another. The more I thought about it, Jesus began to remind what my blessing was. My blessing was HIM. He plucked me out of my sin. He saved me. He has blessed me with salvation and I am His. Forever! I'm His! Whatever He allows to happen in His sovereign and perfect will, I am His. If I lose everything, I am His and I am blessed. Hardship is part of life, and just because I'm striving to be a lover of Jesus, it doesn't mean I'm going to be a part of this world unscathed.
I struggle with that. Losing everything. It's hard to lose. It's hard to lose people that you love. It's hard to lose and to suffer through loss. I struggle, because I like my comfort. I like boring. I don't like risks or shake-ups. I like people to be healthy, live long lives and experience no hardship. That's not life though. Life is full of hardships. But Jesus is there. I am blessed because I am His and He saved me. I am blessed this year with Jesus' salvation and I am thankful.
I am thankful for Jesus. I am thankful for His salvation. I am thankful that Jesus chose the perfect man for me. A man who would love his wife through the hardest things that could possibly happen. A man who is strong. I am thankful for my sons. Josiah, who is here and litters the house with Legos and who has a mind like a sponge. For Eli, who we got to spend moments with, but we will remember him for our lifetime and see him when we see Jesus. I am thankful for my daughters. Tullie, who lights up the room with her grin and giggles. Her hugs and her never ending love. For Ellison, who was our surprise and who has brought joy to our house with her passionate love of life and zest. I am thankful that my Savior has been gracious. That I am beginning to see His glory in the three little faces He has given Mike and I to take care of here on Earth.
About 12 months later, a friend and I were talking and and she said, "Someone told me something the other day, that I keep thinking about. They said, 'I've been living my life filled with hardships, punctuated by blessings. I need to live my life filled with blessing, punctuated by hardships.'" I had to process that for awhile. I HAD been thinking that my life was FULL of hardship and no blessings. Everything seemed to be working against us. Nothing seemed to be working for us.
Then I started thinking about it. "Living a life full of blessing..." What did that mean? Hardship had been all we had seen for the last three years. One thing after another. The more I thought about it, Jesus began to remind what my blessing was. My blessing was HIM. He plucked me out of my sin. He saved me. He has blessed me with salvation and I am His. Forever! I'm His! Whatever He allows to happen in His sovereign and perfect will, I am His. If I lose everything, I am His and I am blessed. Hardship is part of life, and just because I'm striving to be a lover of Jesus, it doesn't mean I'm going to be a part of this world unscathed.
I struggle with that. Losing everything. It's hard to lose. It's hard to lose people that you love. It's hard to lose and to suffer through loss. I struggle, because I like my comfort. I like boring. I don't like risks or shake-ups. I like people to be healthy, live long lives and experience no hardship. That's not life though. Life is full of hardships. But Jesus is there. I am blessed because I am His and He saved me. I am blessed this year with Jesus' salvation and I am thankful.
I am thankful for Jesus. I am thankful for His salvation. I am thankful that Jesus chose the perfect man for me. A man who would love his wife through the hardest things that could possibly happen. A man who is strong. I am thankful for my sons. Josiah, who is here and litters the house with Legos and who has a mind like a sponge. For Eli, who we got to spend moments with, but we will remember him for our lifetime and see him when we see Jesus. I am thankful for my daughters. Tullie, who lights up the room with her grin and giggles. Her hugs and her never ending love. For Ellison, who was our surprise and who has brought joy to our house with her passionate love of life and zest. I am thankful that my Savior has been gracious. That I am beginning to see His glory in the three little faces He has given Mike and I to take care of here on Earth.
Hymns
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Labels:
Music
I like hymns. I like the words that were written and the realness of those words. I like that you could see into the author's soul, their struggle with this life and their Hope. "It is Well" and "Solid Rock" are two of my favorites. We had them sung at our son's service, because I wanted to be reminded of the struggle that we face in this world, but where our Hope is.
Read the words and be reminded of our Hope. Our hope is in Jesus.
Read the words and be reminded of our Hope. Our hope is in Jesus.
It is Well
By Horatio G. Spafford, 1873
When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
Refrain:
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.
My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!
For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:
If Jordan above me shall roll,
No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life
Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.
But, Lord, ’tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,
The sky, not the grave, is our goal;
Oh, trump of the angel! Oh, voice of the Lord!
Blessed hope, blessed rest of my soul!
And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.
The Solid Rock
By Edward Mote, 1834
My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus’ blood and righteousness;
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
But wholly lean on Jesus’ name.
Refrain:
On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand;
All other ground is sinking sand,
All other ground is sinking sand.
When darkness veils His lovely face,
I rest on His unchanging grace;
In every high and stormy gale,
My anchor holds within the veil.
His oath, His covenant, His blood
Support me in the whelming flood;
When all around my soul gives way,
He then is all my hope and stay.
When He shall come with trumpet sound,
Oh, may I then in Him be found;
Dressed in His righteousness alone,
Faultless to stand before the throne.
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